Stuck

By Karline Lace

Lately I’ve been wondering 

how to cope with my past lives

I have found that 

I’m losing parts of myself 

Forgetting what 

I was like three years ago

sitting in biology class and feeling miserable

and invisible 

(and being proud of that)

and feeling sad 

and confused 

and burned out 

But still doing my homework 

until I am in tears

and wishing for a change, 

but don’t believing in one 

Hoping that one day 

I would finally have agency in my life 

How 

can I cope 

with these past lives? 

How 

can I remember 

her without drowning 

in her memories?

How can I 

move on 

from her life?

I, of course, 

owe it to her 

to remember her

To remember 

how she went to the bathroom 

to cry

but also 

how she went on walks 

in her favourite park

in order to feel like she existed 

and how she 

returned from them 

brand new

ready to face the new week

I, of course, 

owe it to her 

to remember her, so I can see 

how I go on walks now

every day

and how I do things 

that make me happy 

(sometimes)

and how I have grown 

and gotten the change I wished for

I owe it to her to remember her, 

but how 

do I do that 

when I feel like I’m stuck?

Artwork by Oscar Laviolette