The Virus of Ridicule: Hilarious Causes of COVID-19

By Zuzanna Mietlińska

While mainstream media covers such topics as virus spreading, death tolls and prevention methods of COVID-19 around the world, there are still sources of information that give us the spark of joy. These are, to say the least, uninformative and non-opinion-forming sites on the Internet that cap each other in the race of stupidity. The following article briefly summarizes the most unimaginable ideas on the topic of coronavirus – when complicated phenomena are clarified by simple answers. 

5G controls our immune system

There are multiple theories on the linkage between the global pandemic and 5G, 5th generation of wireless communication technologies. Firstly, it is said to attack our immune system, making the 5G users vulnerable to the Covid-19. Some make a step further and blame the technology itself for the assorted symptoms of coronavirus. Others use a startling Post Hoc fallacy, confusing chronology with causality – the African countries being affected by the virus at a much lower rate must not be an accident! Curiously enough, these countries do not use the 5G technology also! Coincidence? I think so. 

But false Internet creations tend to permeate somehow into the real world. There are reported instances of setting signal towers in the United Kingdom on fire, as in opposition to “collusion of treasonous companies”. Youtube service has restricted the possibility of viewing or distributing 5G-corona related content as a response. For example, these videos receive no revenue and are deleted from search results. The only sense in the nonsense.

Biological weapon of the Chinese

There is always someone to blame. This conspiracy theory is also popular and related to an actual location – Wuhan Institute of Virology. On one hand, it is said that COVID-19 was engineered by the scientists to eventually become a biological weapon. On the other hand, some claim that it was carefully studied and it was accidentally “leaked” from the laboratory. But for a man-made force against humanity, COVID-19 is surprisingly… ineffective. It still balances around 3% death rate, in comparison to, for example, Ebola with a 50% rate in that matter. In other words, if the scientists wanted to create a lethal pathogen, they would probably gamble on something better. Secondly, there is no evidence of the lab-like scenario would be the case. The scientists suggest that the virus rather originated among the bat population, migrated to an intermediary animal, and then infected an innocent human. 

This theory also debunks the myth of bat soup being the problem. This Internet phenomenon has started from a video… from 2016, Palau Republic, which is an obvious anachronism. 

Another “possible” link to the Chinese “might be” an anagram. The words “Racoon”, a city, and “corona” share the same letters, just like the Wuhan Institute of Virology shares the logo with fictional company The Umbrella Corporation from Resident Evil! The only problems are other colour schemes, spelling and obvious stupidity. Not everything was envisioned after all…

If not the Chinese, it must be Jews (again)!

It seems like Jews are both Internet and television classics when it comes to “whipping boys”. The newest story links another popular conspiracy theory (“Jews are controlling the world”) with the inevitable, concept of economic crisis. This time The Evil Jews have prepared COVID-19 to create a stock market collapse and therefore profit via “insider trading”. This is when a company’s stock is being sold based on “nonpublic” information, such as being taken over by others. Others point out a simple, yet impressive, mechanism that sounds like a quote from Cards Against Humanity board game: “[Jews] design the world, seize countries, [and] neuter the world’s population”. I will respond to this with an old Jewish proverb: “a fool believes everything he hears”. 

If not the Jews, it must be the environmentalists!

Young climate activist Greta Thunberg seems to have as many supporters and opponents. But did she ever, in her deepest nightmares, dream about being a causation of a global pandemic? This false cause fallacy is rooted in, again, a plausible statement. If COVID-19 changes our travelling habits and lifestyle into a more stationary one, it means that the emissions of CO2 will be cut. Partially true, but there is a group that would particularly benefit from this change – the environmentalists! How would they contribute to the deadly virus? This is quite an unknown issue. But sure they would, if they could!


Last but not least, there are certain firms that prosper because of COVID-19. The most obvious are antibacterial gel companies, and, listen to that, Netflix. The latter has released a series Pandemic: How to Prevent an Outbreak, and prefigured social distancing, when the contact with a fellow human being might be restricted to a common movie séance. I have heard that wearing a tinfoil hat only increases this plausibility!

“Medical” prevention that will make you blink twice

There are also some unexpected treatment and prevention techniques related to COVID-19. Here’s a non-recommended list of a few of these techniques, which had to be partially debunked by World Health Organisation: 

  • drinking own urine
  • using cocaine
  • abusing alcohol
  • drinking lemon water in high dosage
  • consuming boiled ginger
  • using antibiotics
  • eating garlic
  • prolonged sun exposure

As well as, my personal favourite, holding breath for 10 seconds to check if you’re infected. 

With the unknown, there is always the internal need to comfort oneself and find an answer to the burning issue. Remember to always check twice or threefold whether the very source of the information gained can be trusted. Not everything found on the Internet is true, and not everything, that claims to be “common knowledge” is in fact what it aspires to be. With loads and loads of conspiracy theories that arise in one’s mind and can be fished out by some, there is another quote that comes to my mind –

“To love humanity is an easy thing, what is difficult is to love human beings.” – A. Shulman.

Edited by Lauren Griesedieck

Artwork by Chira Tudoran